Something about this reminds me of the story from Creepshow where Leslie Nielsen says "I can hold my breath for a long, long time."
Footprints When I saw One set of footprints In the sand I knew you had Made your getaway Sometime between Late Night and high tide. Assessing the depth And gate of Your footfalls I also deduced You were carrying The Sony Trinitron And the plaster-cast Impression of the ass That caused such a Sensation at the Renaissance Fair. I knew then I had been carrying Your ass for Way too long.
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