David J. Thompson is a poet and photpgrapher who captures street art worldwide.
A Perfect Sacrifice
Jesus played a lot of baseball
as a kid, mostly centerfield,
led Nazareth Central High
to the district championship
his senior year. After that
he played for First Baptist
in the local slow-pitch softball
church league. His last year
they met a team of pagans
from the Roman garrison
in town for the league title.
In his last at bat, Jesus laid down
a perfect sacrifice to move
what proved to be the winning run
over to third. He went to his knees
on the first base line, gave a prayer
of thanks to his God up above
even though he’d been thrown out
by a mile. The Romans started yelling
at him from their dugout, stuff
I can’t repeat about his mom, the Virgin Mary.
They didn’t understand that style
of play then, big, burly guys who relied
solely on the long ball. Jesus said softly
that he forgave them as he jogged off
the diamond and that really pissed off
the Romans, some soldiers were waiting
for him in the parking lot with aluminum bats
after the game. Jesus never showed up
for the team banquet or another game,
and that was many, many seasons ago,
but his teammates keep praying and believing
he’ll show up again before their last at bat.
Photography by David J. Thompson
His Very First Miracle
Don’t tell his mom, but Jesus lost
his virginity on prom night, just like
most of us. His date was Rachel Schwartz,
class valedictorian who left for a kibbutz
a few weeks later and Cornell in the fall.
They were grinding hard against each other
during the last dance to The Long and Winding Road,
stopped at a party at the Ramada Inn where
they drank some Miller Lite and smoked
a little weed, ended up ravenously groping
each other on a ratty couch in the basement
of Jesus’ best friend Peter Stone’s house.
They managed to get naked in high school record time,
and when Rachel called out Jesus Christ!
louder than a tv evangelist, and went limp
beneath him, Jesus knew right away he’d performed
his very first miracle, even if it was the kind
you’ll never read about in the Bible.
One Less Thing To Forgive
Did you see where archaeologists
digging around in Nazareth found
Jesus’ high school yearbook?
His baseball card collection and
Boy Scout badges, too? All his
childhood crap, the same worthless stuff
our moms got rid when we went off
to college, or is now packed away
invisibly in our basements, attics,
and storage units everywhere.
The newspaper said it was in
what they believe was the dumpster
behind the nursing home where
the Virgin Mary spent her golden years.
She probably just got sick and tired
of waiting for her oldest son to keep
his promise to come back and grab his shit,
so she just stuffed it all in some Hefty bags,
yelled at the maintenance guy to get it
the hell out of there. You can’t really blame her,
I guess, and now that it’s been found
Jesus will have one less thing to forgive
his mom, and one more good reason
to get his ass back here like he promised
so many years ago.
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