Joe Balaz writes in Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai'i Creole English) and in American English. Some of his recent Pidgin writing has appeared in Unlikely Stories Mark V, Beautiful Losers, Otoliths, and Yellow Mama, among others. Balaz is an avid supporter of Hawaiian Islands Pidgin writing in the expanding context of World Literature. He presently lives in Cleveland, Ohio.
TELLING IT LIKE IT IS
“Might as well dress up like wun deer
and run in front of wun mountain lion.
Same smell. Same station. Same result.”
Dose wuz da comments
addressed to da television
dat we wuz looking at
in da living room.
Ronald had moa to say too
while we watched da news
about da teenage girl
dat had her leg bit off
by wun shark in Australia.
He continued
wit wun deadpan expression,
“Dere watah. Dere rules,”
as we wuz informed
how da young person
wen bleed to death
and die on da beach.
Blunt and unfeeling
is wat some people would say
but Ronald
wuz just telling it like it is.
Even his cruel joke
kinnah summed it up
on how he viewed
da whole situation—
“Sharks and me
have wun understanding.
I stay out of dere ocean.
Dey stay off of my lawn.”
Poet Joe Balaz
CHILLING OUT RIGHT NOW
Eric stay chilling out right now
but last night he wuz off of da chain
cause he wen lose his temper
and false crack his competition at da bar.
Too much alcohol and testosterone
wuz racing through his veins
and screwing up his brain.
He couldn’t handle
dat da adah single guy
sitting on da adah side of da woman
dat he wuz trying to talk to
wuz making moa headway
in da pickup game den he wuz
so he wen figure
he go take care of dat real fast.
Commotion
following wun idiotic notion
is wat wen ensue.
Da adah guy had no idea
dat wun suckah punch wuz coming
wen Eric wen make his move.
Da uppercut blow
wen catch da victim
right undah da jaw
and he wen collapse
and bang his head on da floor.
He ended up in da hospital
wheah he’s still in wun coma
so dats why
Eric stay chilling out right now
in wun jail cell.
Foa sure
he going face multiple assault charges
cause he wen swing and connect
wit some of da cops dat wen arrest him too.
Da whole situation
will certainly go down
as wun night on da town
dat Eric nevah going forget.
Everyone has da right
to be stupid once in awhile
but it looks like
Eric wen just abuse da privilege.
CHIP SHOT
Hello
I’m sending you dis email
to inform you
dat I’m working on some new plasticity
to devise moa ways
to stay ahead of da game.
It’s wun mattah of maintenance, dear,
and it’s absolutely necessary.
Your mood swings on da links
are driving me crazy
but dats understood
as being par foa da course
in dealing wit da opposite sex.
I have to say dough
dat I haven’t seen wun birdie in awhile
and bogeys are piling up everywheah.
I don’t even bother to dream
about dat elusive hole in one
cause lately
I’m not even stepping out
of da golf cart.
No wondah certain guys
seem to drink wun extra amount
while sitting dere like sponges
at da nineteenth hole.
Da pressure is getting to me
and I’m tinking about exploring new greens.
Maybe wun different layout
would do me some good.
So I’m going to cancel
da upcoming tee time
while I sort tings out.
Yours truly
and brightly forevah
wit rainbows
and wun cherry on top.
Sincerely,
Chip.
COOL HER SASSY JETS
She posted on Facebook one day
dat she wuz allowed to come and go
as she pleased in high school
and dat it really didn’t mattah
if she wuz dere or not
cause latah she received
her GED in one day.
Don’t know how true dat is
but her general attitude can explain
why she’s flipping burgers
and flipping you da bird
every time you disagree wit her.
She’s wun smart aleck hard head
acting like wun know-it-all
and she’s raising your blood pressure
to new heights.
Da good ting dough
is dat at least she’s working
and not sitting on wun couch
watching television all day
wit wun new baby
as wun meal ticket
foa get all kine free social aid.
As to weadah she going turn da cornah
dat remains to be seen.
She’s wun rebel
witout any meaningful claws
but still yet she like make
kitty kine cat fight.
Moa den once
her maddah wen lament
dat she shouddah been wun boy.
It would be really good
if somehow life
would kick her in da rear end
and make her wake up.
Den maybe wun lightbulb
going get turned on in her head
to make her cool her sassy jets.
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