Friday, August 27, 2010

New Poem From Thomas L. Vaultonburg

Recently I was declared insane by the state. Why did it take them so long to figure this out? Being nuts has it's perks. If people see you shuffling down the streets mumbling to yourself they just say "He's nuts." If you're a poet being legally nuts is actually a job requirement. Here's a poem I wrote to celebrate being declared non compos mentis. Please visit my website Zombie Logic Press


I Am Insane

I am insane
Because I will not
Chase your dollar
Through fields of
Wild Foxglove

I am insane
Because I bay at the
Bloodmoon
And will not bray
At beer commercials
And do not obey
Your traffic signals

I am insane
Because on my switchboard
All calls to Allah, Yahweh,
Jehovah, Zoroaster and
Santa Clause are all
Answered by the same operator

I am insane
Because I held up
The Bank of America
With a holdup note
Composed of haikus
And demanded only
The teller deposit
My .12 residual check
I earned for appearing
On The Banana Splits
As a child.

I am insane
Because to me
The difference between
A story and a true story
Is less important than
The difference between
Schlitz and Blatz

I am insane
Because I interfere
With the re-uptake
Of your serotonin
Re-uptake inhibitors

I am insane
Because in the elevator
Of my psyche
There are buttons labeled
Pluto, Cucamonga,
Kokomo, Sheboygan, Padukah
Algonquin Round Table,
Deep Night and Help
(Don't press that one).