Dadaist Poetry By Bradley Lastname of The Press of the Third Mind

Bradley Lastname has been described as "Bozo the Clown on nitrous oxide channeling the likes of Tristan Tzara, Luis Bunuel and Steven Wright." As publisher at The Press of the Third Mind in Chicago, Lastname published my first book, Concave Buddha and Other Public Disservice Announcements in 1991. Twnty-two years later we have the privilege of being able to publish some of his work here at Zombie Logic Review. 


A WEEK OF SNEEZES

Sneeze on Monday, sneeze for danger:

Sneeze on Tuesday, kiss a stranger.

Sneeze on Wednesday, you're on t.v.:

Sneeze for Duchamp, you're Rrose Selavy.

Sneeze on Friday, lose some snot:

Sneeze for Edison, you're Fred Ott.


REJECTED NICHOLAS RAY MOVIE TITLES

Bruce Mandolin

Wayne Banjo

Gilbert Balalaika

Sterling Lyre

Van Koto

Lance Sitar

Enzo Zither

Tim Charango

Seymour Lute


SOMEONE OF HER ILK

She grew weary of being someone of her ilk,

so she cashed in her freakquent flyer miles,

and spent the summer in Sardinia,

where she could be someone of her ilko,

in a caftan made of silko,

listening to Wilco,

crying over spilled milko,

watching Sargeant Bilko

on a black and white old Philco.


IT IS WRITTEN

The price of wisdom is above rubies.

The price of extracting Jack Ruby's wisdom tooth is above diamonds.

Kenny Rogers wants to know:

Jack Ruby, are you contemplating going out somewhere?

Because your wisdom tooth is the only part of you that's ever leaving the

        Dallas County Jail.


HOW TO EXPLAIN THE SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
BETWEEN LINDA LOVELACE AND FRANK O'HARA TO A
DEAD CORDLESS VIBRATOR BATTERY

Linda Lovelace is lovelorn.

Linda Lovelace loves Lorna.

Linda Lovelace loves Lorna Doone.

Linda Lovelace loves Lorna Doone's buggy.

Linda Lovelace loves it when Lorna's doone buggy runs.

Linda Lovelace doesn't love it when Lorna's doone buggy runs
over Frank O'Hara.


INSTRUCTIONS TO THE WAITER CONCERNING
HOW TO SERVE THE BLUE PLATE SPECIAL IN THE
UNLIKELY EVENT OF A POWER OUTTAGE

If the lights have gone out at the dinner table,

use an imaginary clock to describe to your diners

the location of the food on their plates.

For example, the chicken cordon bleu is at twelve o'clock,

the mashed potatoes are at 9 o'clock,

the broccoli is at six o'clock,

and the hash brownie is at 4:20.


BRADLEY LASTNAME  moved to Chicago in 1978 and began creating a body of work that raised dada, existentialism and the absurd to a new level.
His work...2- and 3- dimensional collages, paintings, sculpture, poetry and prose...has been published, shown in museums and galleries, and presented in one-man shows, throughout the U.S.

Chris Manse, of the Muse Apprentice Guild, says:

"Absurdity is a difficult thing to do well, and Bradley Lastname is an exception to that rule.  To exclaim from the roof of a burning building that all is well even though the cats and dogs raining down from the skies are attempting to put out the flames.

Mr. Lastname has run No Tickee / No Washee Enterprises, an emporium of guerrealist painting, collage and fiction since 1977.